Like living among the undead, all clad in burnt orange

...this is Austin?

I recently moved to Austin from the Ozark Mountains. The move was preceded by months of preparation, multiple visits, interviews, house-hunting and giddy feelings of an impending adventure. Austin, and its inhabitants we happened to already know or who we just met, had always promised the good life--in all its permutations: a kick-ass job; music in abundance; endlessly eccentric things to do, from mustache contests to 80s skate nights; food, food and more food; low cost of living and the consequent prosperity that would make doing all of the above possible.

I've been here for 3 months and boy, am I disappointed.

Let's talk about shows first: there are hundreds a week. More than anyone could ever fit in, no matter what kind of work schedule you have. No matter if you don't have a work schedule. In the last few months, I have seen some great shows, but I've also missed an equal number of interesting-sounding ones. And I'd be lying if I said it was because I didn't want to stay up that late. The truth is I'm too damn poor to go to these shows. (We'll get to the "low cost of living" later.) But there's another reason...a more sinister and self-fulfilling reason. I'll explain to you like this:

Let's say you live in a place that has some kind of music scene. Let's even say it's wanning and a little sad, but still there are venues and kids get together and play around and they can find/afford practice space. It's a little music scene...it looks like this:

X X X X
X X X X

These Xs are bands and yeah, they're probably not that great, but one is probably not bad, or even pretty good, showing potential at least. And as it mostly goes, the first X band will probably break up and some if its members will join the fourth X band or join up with the remains of the fifth and sixth X band members. It works itself out right? And usually (hopefully) the bands get a bit better over time. Over the time they spend in their community.

Austin's music scene looks like this:

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

And so on and so on for hundreds of more lines. The reason for this bad visual analogy is that there's no room for these bands to move or grow. They just play their shitty little sets night after night in the same bars for the same bored people. Worse than that, some of it is not just boring, it's soul-crushing. Some of the worst music I've ever had to endure has been local Austin bands. I'm talking fucking horrible--self-mutilation-inducing shit. Music that sounds like it's made by deaf people.

I'll say it unequivocally: Austin has the WORST local music in the country. And it's textbook irony, because there are probably more shows played here a year than anywhere else in the country. (It is of course "The Live Music Capitol of the World"--I'll get to how fond this town is of giving itself mottos, catchphrases and other annoying titles later.) Any night of the week you can catch the worst 10 shows being played right then on the planet (that's a motto right there). And that's what this town brags about!

Just the first of many nagging observations about how I feel I've been jipped. There'll be much more to come.

And post-script: I'll address two points right of the bat--I understand that I'm focusing on the negative. At least here I am. That's because my days here are consumed with trying to find something positive, something that will improve daily existence. This is my outlet and hopefully, it will serve me well as catharsis and as a means to move on to the next big thing.

Second, the reason for using a blog to voice these frustrations is because everyone who lives here (whom I've encountered thus far) thinks this place is the center of the fucking universe. It's the shitty cherry on the top of the goddamn sundae. No one else seems to perceive these downfalls--even the ones that I'm not exaggerating! It seriously feels like I missed a mass brain-washing session, like I didn't get the little pill or cup of kool-aid at the city limits and I'm out here alone, wading through a sea of the undead--all in that horrible baby-diarrhea orange color.